Reporter - "Mr. Chretien, some people are saying you might be involved in this so-called Sponsorship Scandal, have you anything to say about it?"
Chretien - "I am glad you ask me about dat scandal t'ing. I am hopin' Mr. Martin will get to bottom of dat Brian Mulroney scandal."
Reporter - "Excuse me, Mr. Ex-Prime Minister, but I was talking about the Liberal scandal, not the Conservative one."
Chretien - "If you notice, Mr. smart guy Reporter, dat Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Joe Who, endorse the Liberal party one time before. Even he was ashamed of Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Brian Mulroney's behaviour."
Reporter - "I think you mean Mr. Joe Clark."
Chretien - "Who?"
Reporter - (pause of perplexion) "But Sir, you are ignoring the current Liberal problems, with the testimony of Mr. Brault and all his allegations of corruption using taxpayer’s money.”
Chretien - "We don't had no alligators in Canada."
Reporter - "Pulease."
Chretien - "First t'ings first. People are also wondering where Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Mulroney has been getting all dat money for high living."
Reporter - "But Mr. Chretien, I wanted to ...."
Chretien - "Call me Mr. Ex-Prime Minister .... and everyone wondering if Mila goin' to return dat furniture."
Reporter - "Mr. Ex-Prime Minister, are you denying you have any involvement in this latest scandal?"
Chretien - "I did not say fuddy-duddy, like Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Trudeau. I did not grab Iona Campagnolo's ass like Mr. Ex-Prime Minister John Turner, who did fall into a hole when Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Mulroney appear on da scene. And no one follow Mr. Ex-Prime Minister John anymore. And Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Bordon get all dat war time scandal."
Reporter - “That was in 1917!”
Chretien - “See? I tol’ you so.”
Reporter - “And John Diefenbaker is dead.”
Chretien - “Oui. He die every day on da floor of Parliament.” (chuckle)
Reporter - (sigh) "Sir, er, Mr Ex-Prime Minister, they say that Prime Minister Martin will sacrifice you to hang onto power for the Liberals and ...."
Chretien - "You might as well start calling him Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Martin."
Reporter - "So do you think he'll last as long as Ex-Prime Minister Campbell?"
Chretien - "He was Prime Minister?"
Reporter - "KIM Campbell. SHE lasted almost 6 full months. She had no time to get into a scandal."
Chretien - "Merde. Damn Westerners."
Reporter - "She might have been honest."
Chretien - "You know, I am proud I send Mr. Ex-Prime Minister Campbell to work wit’ dem morons sout' of da border."
Reporter - (bigger sigh) You aren't going to answer anything about the current scandal, are you Sir?"
Chretien - "Montreal Canadienne not doing too good dis year."
Reporter - "Yes, I hear Serge Savard is even implicated. And there IS no hockey this year.”
Chretien - “Dat is not hockey. Dem new guy still got all dere teet’.”
Reporter - "One last question, Sir ...."
Chretien - "Mr. Ex-Prime Minister."
Reporter - "Mr. Ex-Prime Minister, when Mr. Martin falls in disgrace, who will be the next leader of Canada?"
Chretien - "Gilles Duceppe."
Reporter - “Thank you Mr. Ex-Prime Minister.”
Chretien - "Mercy."