Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The state of the Liberal leadership today ...

So now that Stephane Dion is the new Liberal leader, expecting to be Prime Minister of Canada, we have yet another Quebecker in charge. We'll be asked to vote for someone who is a citizen of another country, France, and owes his 'other' allegiance to the "nation" of Quebec.

Any Canadians out there?

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The state of Vancouver's Stanley Park ...

Many areas of Vancouver's jewel have been devastated by three major storms in a row. It is estimated that 3,000 mature trees have been downed with more to come because of safety precautions.

... Meanwhile, in other news, the Aquarium expansion goes ahead with the removal of 32 older trees to accommodate a large sit down restautant on the site ... do fish sit?

The state of the Vancouver Canucks today ...

from the NHL ... (the No Hit League)
- Marcus Naslund, the 6 million dollar man has one assist in the last 12 games.
- Roberto Luongo, the over 6 million dollar man has let in 10 first shot goals.
... it goes down from there.

The state of Vancouver AM radio today ...

AM radio CHMJ - 730 = All traffic all the time.
AM radio CKWX - 1130 = All news all the time.
AM radio CKNW - 980 = All advertising all the time.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Miss America - The F@$&%# up state of pageants

Miss America tested positive for cocaine. She has been carousing in New York City's bars and drinking martinis before she turned 21. She was caught doing a glue-faced tongue kiss in public with Miss Teen America, the other All-American party girl. Miss Teen America is a spokesperson for MADD!
Donald Trump is the co-owner of the Miss America pageant. Mr. Trump went into a meeting with the perfectly round-breasted Ms. Conner this morning expecting to terminate her reign as Miss USA.
But he said the meeting showed him someone with “a good heart” who had been caught up in a “whirlwind” in New York. Evidently he couldn't say, "Miss America, you're fired!"
The Donald's hair was not mussed.

Monica Lewinski or Bill Clinton couldn't be reached for comment.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

72 virgins - finally revealed

Here are pics of the first wave of 72 virgins that extremist radical muslims can expect to meet in their heaven after doing a suicide bombing ...

... counts as 2
... now you know why they wear those veils ... and who said they had to be female virgins anyway?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Rocky VI, could life be any better?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the ring .... Sylvester Stallone appears, at 59 years of age, to battle glove on glove with yet another villain. Will he wear boxing shoes or bedroom slippers? Will he have a mouth guard or simply leave his teeth in his corner? Will he wear a jock strap or a hernia belt?
Who will the villain be this time? The sleek Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed or the daunting Dolph Lundgren as Russian Ivan Drago ... no wait, Stallone won't have Lundgren back because the Kyokushinkai karate champion broke his ribs while they were shooting Rocky IV when Sly thought for a minute there that he was a real boxer. And anyway we LIKE Russians now.
They'll need a serious enemy for this one ... Someone fearsome. Ba-ad. A real boogy-man.
Eminem? ....... Nah, talks too much, we need the star to say the lines.
Hannibal Lecter with a starched white napkin and a glass of Chianti in his corner? ....... Nah, too literate for Rocky.
Mike Tyson, sheeez, scary, all teeth and wimpy voice, licking his lips, taunting Rocky. Whispering so Sly has to cock his ear and come closer. ...... Nah, too much like cannibal Hannibal.
Hey, what about Kim Jong Il, the North Korean President, bill him as the Pyongyang Pugilist against Rocky's Atomic Fists! ....... Nah, watching anyone smack that cartoon head of Jong's around would just become a comedy. Too much fun.
Hmm, let's see ... a woman maybe? Yeah Syd, that's IT! They're running for President now, they gotta take their lumps too. Hillary Clinton fits the bill, she's cool, she's nasty, some think she already murdered that guy in the White House ....... Nah, she'd beat the hell out of Stallone in the audition! Too dangerous for our hero. And the stunt doubles would refuse to do it.
Of course we'll have Talia Shire back as Granny Daisy Moses. (she's in with Francis Ford Cuppola, you know, and that means the Mafia) And Burgess Meredith again as the trainer. Yeah, I know he's dead but we're not giving him lines, he'll just have to sit there looking glazed. Again. Call his mortician.
I got it. I got it! Saddam Hussein! He's available. He's mean. He's tough. Everyone hates him. They could have Saddam enter from a hole in the center of the ring, all full of dust and dirt, spider-web beard and all! He's a natural Weapon of Mass Destruction. It's a win win situation. (Well not for Saddam) But it'll work! He's the anti-Santa Claus. Elton John singing Rocket Man! Fireworks and tracers overhead. That green film from the '91 war. A terrorist section in the bleachers! Stealth Bombers in the night. And when Rocky knocks him out, we'll have him fall exactly like that Statue in Bagdad! Just ... friggin' ... perfect.


Hmmm, but why do I feel most of the hot money would be on Saddam?

reprint from Oct, 2005

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Pot vs the billionaires

MARIJUANA is DANGEROUS? This interesting essay goes on to make points for the benefits about marihuana and it's proven uses applicable to our modern society. Doug Yurchey's article makes many valid points while enlightening us on the history of pot.

"Pot is NOT harmful to the human body or mind. Marijuana does NOT pose a threat to the general public. Marijuana is very much a danger to the oil companies, alcohol, tobacco industries and a large number of chemical corporations. Various big businesses, with plenty of dollars and influence, have suppressed the truth from the people."

Yurchey brings many facts to light; including -
  • - That the Encyclopedia Brittanica was made of hemp pages for 150 years! - Rush out to that used book store and grab a set of Britannicas, there are at least 5000 pages to most of them, and they can be had for about $20, got to be a years worth of smoking there, and 'higher' learning too.
  • - Rembrandt, Gainborough and other famous painters used a hemp linen for their canvasses! - Could that be the true explanation of Mona Lisa's mysterious smile?
  • - Hemp was the primary product for most textiles and fabrics until the 1820s and the introduction of the cotton gin. - And we all know that drinking too much gin has caused way more problems than marihuana smoking.
  • - Don't believe the recent Popular Mechanics political hack about 9-11? No? Neither do we, but there was a time, in February, 1938 that you COULD believe that magazine, they said hemp cultivation and production do not harm the environment. And used USDA Bulletin #404 which concluded that hemp produces 4 times as much pulp with at least 4 to 7 times less pollution.
  • - Hemp cultivation could easily produce enough pulp paper for all the newspapers in the world without cutting down a single tree! And hemp paper doesn't go yellow with age! - And who would toss it in the garbage or wrap fish in it? (except for flavouring) You'd read the news and settle in for a nice smoke of the Editorial Page to contemplate the world situation.
  • - Ninety percent of the hauser shipping rope was once made from hemp! - Now there's one big l-o-n-g Bob Marley!
  • - Marijuana smoking actually lowers cholesterol and expands blood vessels! And THC has a positive effect on asthma and glaucoma. - You'll be able to breath easier and see where you're going. If you wanted to go anywhere, of course.
Doug Yurchey goes on to explain the conspiracy involved to destroy the cultivation of hemp and the ongoing media manipulation to poison our minds about it's value, all because of threats to other businesses. Check out the link.

Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's Dave, let me in."
"Dave's not here."
etc. in fun ...
with apologies to Cheech and Chong.

Monday, December 04, 2006

How to spy in Canada

So this spy guy got caught. He only had an Ontario birth certificate that belonged to someone else, and a drivers licence. During his court hearing in (where else) Montreal, he admitted being a Russian spy and said he was ready to be deported. Federal Court Justice Pierre Blais issued a deportation order for the man. He also agreed to keep his identity secret. He says revealing the man's identity could endanger his family. Where IS his family? In Canada? Russia?
Sheeeez, we've come a long way down since countries used to SHOOT spies or at least put them in jail for many years! (Sam Carr and Fred Rose each got 7 years after being convicted of spying in the Igor Gouzenko case, in the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg got the death penalty and an accomplice got 30 years)
So you can come here, spy on us, and if you get caught you just tell us you want to go home now and we comply.
Gawd we're soft.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

False Creek Urgent Care Center

The Urgent Care Center opened today despite an earlier warning by BC Premier Gordon Campbell about the Canada Health Act. After a secret meeting between owners of the clinic and Campbell, it was allowed to go ahead.
I don't know about you, but anything that Gordon Campbell is involved in makes me feel scammed. There's always a secret agenda that we find out about later. Example - Gordon saying he wouldn't touch BC Hydro but then effectively bypassing it for private hydro power to make money for his buddies.
Well this time I can imagine how it went down - - -

Dr. Mark Godley: - Hello, Gordon.
Premier Gordon Campbell: - Hi Mark, you heard me blasting you in the media, didn't you? About the Canada Health Act?
Dr. Mark:
- I did, Gordon. You know we got a ton of lawyers in this, all investors by the way, we can obfuscate forever.
Premier Gordon: - You won't need to. I had to say something though, you know how it goes. Present that caring image. But the public forgets, just say Maui and they only think of shark bites now. So what's the problem, Mark?
Dr. Mark: - Well so far so good. We've got a great cross section of doctors too, all practicing in regular public hospitals as well as our clinic, you know, duel practice, duel pay. Emergency ward guys too, they'll be spreading our news, telling patients how bad it is in public facilities. You've done a great job there too, Gordon, cutting all that regular hospital funding. Especially closing an emergency room! We gotta thank you for
making us look great.
Premier Gordon: - Preplanning is everything, Mark. Next we're going to cut the Alzheimer's patients down to one meal a day, how would they ever know?
Dr. Mark: - Brilliant. Gordon, but with Adrian Dix keeping this all in the media, we're worried about showing good first quarter profit. We want a top money zone very quickly, to show that the public WANTS to pay extra for health care. So we're looking for ways to cut our costs, don't want to save on bandages or stuff like that, we need nice white ones for appearance, you know. But the hundred ninety-nine dollar evaluation fee only goes so far. People who are sick will pay it, they don't know the difference between halitosis and thrombosis but it don't look so good when the patient only has a zit!
Premier Gordon: - I have a great idea for you. Listen to this; Why don't we use the BC Medicare system to do your accounting for you at public expense?
Dr. Mark: - Wha? How would that work?
Premier Gordon: - Wow, I can actually hear the excitement in your voice, Mark. See, how about we tell you to BILL your patients THROUGH the BC Medicare plan, that'll make everyone think we're being vigilant about Care Cards, then we'll insist on auditing you. Presto! Our audit done, your accounting done. All with taxpayer's money.
Dr. Mark: - Brilliant! Easy to see why you're top pineapple around here, Gordon.
Premier Gordon: - Okay, make sure you bitch about it though. Meanwhile we'll think up some bad stuff about Dix.
Dr. Mark: - Great. Hey, any way we can get in on those dozens of pneumonia cases on the Downtown East Side? Three of 'em have died without us getting a nickel. We charge $3000. to fix anything above a cough, you know.
Premier Gordon: - Nah, you don't wan't to do that. Those people don't even HAVE Care Cards, besides, they're all dirty looking too, would scare off your rich marks, er, I mean clientelle.
Dr. Mark: - Yeah, you're right, we don't want to start taking in cans and bottles to pay for treatment.
Premier Gordon: - If they weren't out there all night collecting the cans and bottles they wouldn't GET pneumonia, would they? Bye Mark.
Dr. Mark: - Bye Gord'.