Thursday, November 20, 2014

Obesity = fat people = $

Get your wallet out. Fat people are costing you two trillion dollars a year.

Yes, a recent study shows that people who are over-weight cost more to the economy than all the health costs of smoking, the combined impact of armed violence, wars going on right now and world terrorism.

Consider this impact. Start with armed violence.  You get mugged one night and can't go to work the next day because you have a bullet lodged in your skull. That's gonna hurt the economy.
Fat people are worse that that.
not really funny

You want to go into that building to pay your bills but you can't get past the smokers standing outside. So you become delinquent on your bills. Their puffing hurts the economy. But fat people are worse than that too.
Or you go past a hospital and see that tubby standing outside the door in his jammies with an IV drip plugged into his arm while dragging on a fag! He's just had a freakin' lung operation for Pete's sake and look what he's doing! Fat people are worse.

And even those wild-eyed bearded basement plotters plugging away with plans to destroy the skinny and plump people of the democracies are still not costing you as much    as        fat      people.

The estimated annual medical cost of obesity in the U.S. was $147 billion in 2008 U.S. dollars, what the heck is it now in 2014? And the medical costs for people who are obese were $1,429 higher than those of normal weight. See what it is?

The impact of fat people's gluttony takes up 2.8 percent of global gross domestic product!  And 2.1 BILLION people are now obese! How many zeros IS that? I'll tell you what it is, it's a porky 30 percent of the entire global population.  (34.9 % in America) These waddlers in red pants are costing everyone!
Jabba the Hutt

Nearly half of the world's population will be overweight by 2030. Global warming? What about global tipping? Do we want to end up living like Australians? Upside down. Fat people might cause that tip. The magnetic poles are shifting. Is it because so many fat people are generating their own gravity and magnetation? Did you notice if birds are now flying east or west for the winter?
BMI, Body Mass Index for a normal person should be less than 25. If you are 300 lbs and 5'6" tall your index would be 55! Obese on any scale. 

What are we gonna do about this plague of quivering breathing expanding gelatin encased in stretched skin? Ask Jenny Craig for help? Not an option, look how many people she has fired for rebounding. Weight Watchers doesn't actually say weight losing. Do they take the mirrors out of your house and put carnival mirrors in? Dr. Atkins? Dr. Pshaw might be better! Personal trainers? Gyms? Machines?
Discipline? OMG, anything but will power!

Black people have the highest rates of obesity at about 47.8% while whites are not that far back at 32.6%. Chinese are way down there at 10.8%. Do fat people get beri beri from rice! Noooo. Statistics show that as Third World economies emerge into prosperity, the ratio of fat people rises in proportion! And today in our society it is becoming so-called Morbid Obesity, weighing twice a normal weight!

What can be done about it?
Is prosperity the cause?  All the gadgets and gizmos that are supposed to make life easier for us are causing us to relax into a lethargic smudge?  Not television but the TV remote? Too far to walk way over there. If you watch any TV you'll be aware of the massive flood of fast food advertising, all slobbery and dripping with deceitful enticement. Can Jamie Oliver overcome Guy Fieri?  Can the Mediterranean Diet beat the Big Whopper? We know who's losing.

The new cars don't even ask you to lift your foot across to the brake pedal! They brake the car for you! Your smart phone even puts words into your text on your behalf. Not always with intended results. Saves your thumbs for holding that bulging burger.
Should we get tickets for being fat?  Fat cops patrolling? No wait, there are too many fat cops already. Maybe CCTV could just use body recognition to send you tickets.
keep eating and you're still dead
Couldn't the NSA and CSIS be watching what fat people are eating instead of surveilling Julian Assange and Snowden? Maybe they should send a SWAT team to raid jelly donut factories and shoot a few more holes in them?  What about a narrow gate at the doors of bakeries?  Maybe close down all the Walmarts? That's where they seem to congregate. You've got those emails too, yes? And you don't want to shout 'Butterball' in a Walmart.

Will power might work. With a threat. Use the Force, Luke, or Jabba the Hutt will eat you.

Do I really need to list this?  Obesity causes or is closely linked with a large number of health conditions, including heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, unhealthy cholesterol, asthma, sleep apnea, gallstones, kidney stones, infertility, and as many as 11 types of cancers, including leukemia, breast, and colon cancer. No less real are the social and emotional effects of obesity, including discrimination, lower wages, lower quality of life and a likely susceptibility to depression. Whew.

The WHO, World Health Organization has recognized obesity as a global epidemic. There is actually such a thing today as a Fat Phobia Scale, to measure how much people hate fat people. Maybe it is time to be cruel to the ones afflicted with the disease of obesity? Instead of psychologists continually studying fat people and making up new names for the aspects of obesity - like what is her Fatness Quotient?  We could be honest. Couldn't we?

Tell it like it is, is that cruel? To tell them they are the fat people. If you have to move your mirror into the hall and walk to the other end to get your body inside the frame, you are fat. You need to toss out the chocolate cake and cherry pie and endless fries and free refills. And we need to toss out political correctness and replace it with honesty.

Which might well be the kindness needed to help them. And save the world economy.

Harvard obesity prevention

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Coming soon to the NHL

Greed. Someone at NHL headquarters has figured out that the league could pocket another 2 billion dollars by having corporate logos on the jerseys of hockey players! Brilliant.
And not only that, but they want to bring back the once tried and failed illuminated puck. Which was brought in because some genius said Americans cannot see the puck during the play. And having a colored swoosh following it would illuminate the game for all those Arizona Republicans and Florida Octagenarians to see. Did I say swoosh? OMG! we're going to have a Nike puck!

"Did you see it that time, Martha?"
"No Harold, I saw him wave his thing around though. And then they started screaming, can you turn it down?"

But about those logos on the NHL sweaters. I don't know what you're thinking, but I am imagining the game calling as it happens in the future NHL. You must have noticed that your favorite TV shows no longer have that tag at the end which sums up the show, and has credits rolling over it. Yes, folk, they have added about two more minutes of commercials! But sorry, let's go back to the NHL jerseys, professional sports and the point; greed.

The corporate logo is coming. When you buy the jersey of your favorite player, say Kevin Bieksa, it could have a big FORD logo where the Orca used to be. And on the back, under his name, it might say, 'Brought to you by the new Ford Fusion.'  Not a nanosecond of confusion for NHL brainstormy executives.

So what is the game going to sound like when you hear it? I can tell you, not like the old Danny Gallivan days for sure ....  'Richard shoots and scooorrrrres." They might need fast-talker experts to call it.
This is how it could go .....

"Bieksa brought-to-you-by-Ford brings the puck out from behind his net, a short pass to Dan Hamhuis famous-Black-Forest-hamhocks and a tap over to Daniel Sedin Kia-Sedona-for-reliability who circles inside the Blue-Mountain-coffee line and there's the slap-pass to Henrich Re/Max for-condo-living-homes Sedin! Ooh the Nike puck hopped over his Timberland stick. But a hard hit along the Rona boards and Burroughs A&W no-steroids-chicken recovers, a drop pass back to Zack Kassian Denturists-R-US and he shoots!    Oh! stopped by Roberto Monsanto-is-good-for-you Luongo!  We'll be right back after these messages."
Is cacophony the word?

"Martha, do we have enough toilet paper rolls to last?"
"Harold, you always drove that Olds too fast."

Are you ready for it? Some believe the game might be too fast to call unless they put a sand floor in the player's boxes to slow them down a bit. And the new look NHL audio calls will have no room for the old multisyllable words like 'discombobulated' and  'accelerated', or 'scintillating' or even 'altercation' and 'pugilism'. 'Hack' 'whack' and 'smack' will be about it. (apologies to Tommy Larscheid)

And can you imagine that a constantly whirring, flashing and darting puck might bring on an epileptical dazzle by the end of the first period, tardive dyskinesia before the third and tinnitus for the next two weeks! There's going to be a team in Las Vegas, you just KNOW there will be flashing lights on that casino uniform. These guys have stars in their eyes that don't twinkle! Even the Ice Girls won't be able to calm your frazzled mind. Notice the ad on her hip .... you haven't gotten to the hip yet?  Never mind.

Advertising everything, everywhere all the time is what the NFL/NBA thrives on, is the NHL bound to follow? The boards started it all. 'Fly Emeritates' as you fling headlong into them? Are they supplying the sand? Now the glass behind the goalie has CGI ads on it. The stairs are cleverly painted to sell you something before you can get out. All in the name of extra revenue. Is the game being lost in the quagmire of messages? And how many corporations will be lining up for a logo imprint? Dodge RAM of course, but don't put me on a Swede? Viagra? There's a natural.  Microsoft won't be there, micro and soft just don't do it. You'll be Googled after a hard hit, and the tunnel for players will be the YouTube. Wolfgang's restaurants? The puck stops here?
Okay okay, I'll stop, but you know the assault on your senses will continue. Smell anything yet? Burnt rubber?

Eat your Sidney Crosby Wheaties, drink your Alex Ovechkin Stolichnaya and quit complaining.

Sheeez, no, you don't eat the Wheaties IN the Stoli!

Maybe you do.


Sunday, November 09, 2014