Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dr. John Blatherwick

Our Vancouver Coastal Health Chief Medical Officer Dr. John Blatherwick has announced his retirement. We have been extremely lucky to have had him looking after us. And many in Vancouver felt he WAS looking after them. He was totally honest, straightforward and we could trust what he said, and he always told it so we could understand and paid no heed to outside influence.

I, for one, look forward to his replacement with trepidation because so many of these kinds of positions have become political in recent years. I hope we don't step backward after his fine leadership.
Docter Blatherwick is irreplaceable.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Today in history . . . May 23rd

1994 - Former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was laid to rest next to her first husband, President John F. Kennedy, in Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia.
On her deathbed, she summoned John Kennedy Jr and Caroline to her side.
It is speculated by some that she then told them the truth about who killed their father. John became prominent as a high profile magazine publisher when i
n 1995, he founded George, a glossy politics-as-lifestyle monthly. Kennedy was seen to have possible political aspirations but died in a plane crash in 1999. The magazine ceased publication shortly thereafter.
Caroline Kennedy is an attorney, editor, and writer.

Lines I'd like to hear . . .

- From a judge . . . "Mr. Smith, for your cruel act of hurting that dog by tying it and dragging it behind your car, I'm sentencing you to a psychiatric examination and then ten years without parole in a mental institution no matter what the conclusion is, because if you could do that to a defenseless animal you are a danger to humans. "
- From a defense attorney . . . "Your Honour, I am withdrawing from this case because the young man I am defending is just too frigging evil for defending. In spite of his rich family money. He did it, we all know it so lets get on with locking him up."
- From a politician . . . "We're going to build a new prison on Baffin Island. If you deal dangerous street drugs and induce teenaged girls to become prostitutes and young men to become tragic shells, you'll be going there. There'll be no walls or fences. If you break your toilet you'll have to go outside to poop, even when it gets down to sixty below. And if you want to escape, you're welcome to try to cross the tundra and get past the polar bears to freedom. But we won't come look for you. Five years for first offense, twenty years for second."
- From another judge . . . "Mr Doe, I cannot take into account your poor childhood to excuse you from robbing that store and shooting the clerk. I am obligated to take into account the thousands of OTHER people who have had poor childhoods and risen above it to become productive citizens of society. You are just plain bad, the sentence is twenty-five years. No parole. No TV. No pool table. No shit."
- From a baseball player . . . "Those pills I took were to make me have more muscle and enhance my strength so I could hit those homers, but you have to take my name off any record books because I cheated."
- From a CEO . . . "My company made those millions for our shareholders. We don't really give a crap about the public and my bonus of three million dollars was on the line. Of course we knew the pills didn't work, but we hushed that up and bought our own scientists to lie for us."
- From an Immigration hearing . . . "You Sir, are being deported back to your own country. You're a proven criminal here in Canada and we're not giving you citizenship. Or any legal rights or aid in this country. You'll be on a plane this afternoon for your homeland. If you want to sue us you can get a lawyer in your own country. If you say they'll be bad to you when you go back there, tough shit, you're outa here!"
- From a cigarette company executive . . . "We knew cigarettes caused cancer. We (cough) sold 'em anyway. Targetted (cough) young girls mostly. "
- From a doctor . . . "I'm sorry Mrs. Doe, we can't cover your medical costs for your lung cancer treatment. You knew many years ago what cigarettes did to you but chose to smoke them anyway. And it's not fair to even let you have a bed to die in when other real patients have need of them."
- From a policeman . . . "Sure I knew what I was doing, beating the hell out of that little jerk. His parents should have done it years ago. So he got a couple of black eyes, if I catch him on my beat I'm gonna do it again. So what's the big deal?"
- From a brothel Madam . . . "Yes, I'm releasing the names from my black book right now. I have video tape evidence also that will be on TV news at 6, three minutes from now. You'll be shocked who they are. You reporters got pens, I'll start reading them now ..."
- From George Bush . . . "It had nothing to do with WMDs, Saddam embarrassed my Dad because he stayed in power after the '91 war and Dad was a one timer president. I got him for Daddy and started all this new war just for vengeance. So we might as well steal their oil while were at it, right? Heh heh heh."
- From my lil' Granddaughter . . . "Yes, I do know what happened to those Timbits. I ate 'em."

Monday, May 21, 2007

Stuff for sale

I was perusing the local papers the other morning, things for sale, browsing the Trucks list ... there were only two. There was nothing to do but read on.
I inadvertently came onto Services for Sale, um ... er... Adult Services, and pictures of women offering wares, perhaps I should say bewares.

Here you can get massages, body rubs, domination, coddling, escorts and perhaps anything that your particular fetish lusts for. One girl at Versace had clamshells over her breasts, but it didn't say if they had a lunch bar selling chowder. One wonders about the flavour. Chantal offers exotic, erotic NEW 40DDDs. Did the old 40DDDs wear out? Did she upgrade from 39DDDs? Another shouts Hot HOTT GFE. Ok sorry, but I never did find out what GFE is, or what the FS is that she does also. There's DATY and SOG too. My sicko little mind tried hundreds of combinations but to no avail, the best I came up with was Saggy Old Grandmother. At least Hooter Haven is clear, and everything is so, er ... round there. I see some of the older ladies are regenerating their careers by applying the Cougar idea. Cougar Country she says, with a pic like Mrs. Robinson's legs. Maybe, but Bear Country scares the hell out of me! Apple Pie caught my eye and was 36DD, but all I could think of as how many apples it took to make a pie that big? One was Royal Lavender Massage, but I don't want to smell like my Grandma. Maybe if it was thyme or oregano. The Transgender ads make you look twice. Those are GUYS? But at least you KNOW you're getting store bought boobs there. Wet Vancouver has this girl sitting sexily in the surf, but it's a little cold for the beach yet. Maybe she was just rinsing, I don't know. I think of fish and chips at the beach anyway.
The Fox girls have enough cleavage to hide a full side of beef roasts. And the Greek Girls say they have toys and strap-ons but they don't say who's going to have the fun? Lots of 900 numbers for hot chat but if you hear a 'click click', that's probably the knitting needles as Grandma finishes her shawl. Mistress Onyx in the black mask offers domination, BDSM, fetish and diaper, which you're going to need if she ever cracks you with that friggin' whip! Lots of Thais, but none with a peanut sauce. The Swedish Touch doesn't seem to come with meatballs either. One girl squirts while she works and I'm not following that any further.
There's a sexy Spanish Italian Dish that was hot and spicy, maybe like a salsa pizza paella? And a Chocolate and Vanilla pair who taste good together. Now there's something I've never been able to do, I always just go for the two scoops of chocolate. I wonder if their names are Miss Baskin and Miss Robbins?
The China Doll only made me think of Lemon Chicken with chow mein and won ton.
Well, after scrutinizing the adult services ads, they did get to me, I had to raid the fridge for a snack. I guess I'm too far along to appreciate these 'Adult' services, food has taken over my sex life.
I'm turned on by my wife's Angel Food cake. I'm afraid to take Viagra, maybe I'll just get some blue jelly beans instead and head on over to Burger King.

Canadian TV brought to you by ...

The CRTC has just relaxed the rules on advertising during prime time on Canadian TV. They have thrown out the 12 minute rule. You can expect more minutes of advertising now. Great.
This idea, they say, of removing the restrictions on advertising is designed to boost the networks' revenue and allow them to compete more effectively. Who paid off who here? If the same rule applies to all, then how does that work? Compete against who? And what exactly does this mean to you the viewer?
Let's say your favorite prime time TV show is now 47 minutes long, but they'll be adding two minutes of a Fabreeze commercial or a Cialis message, trying to reach those old stinky buggers in the CRTC. How will they do this? The networks will be shaving dialogue or lopping off a shot here and there.
CSI Miami will have David Caruso doing one less angled pose and going straight to the criminal through brilliant thinking. No time for analysis of evidence. ER will go right to the post operative recovery ... take 47 pills and call us in a year for your residuals. Canadian Idol will always end in a three-way tie. Bridge on the River Kwai will have Alec Guinness unrepentant and the Japanese will go on to win the war! and On the Waterfront you'll hear . . . "I coulda been a somebody, Charlie, instead of [insert] - your Car City Salesman with a hot deal on a brand - new - FORD!] - ... a contendah." We might never know if Ilsa gets on that plane or if Bogey and Rains form any friendship at all. We'll miss the Final Jeopardy question. Who shot JR? What? I didn't know he'd been shot? It'll be the demise of the cliff-hanger ending.
Of course the CRTC didn't do a thing to stimulate Canadian programming in Canada. So all those stories of growing up in Newfoundland will just cut to the grown-up in Toronto. Little Mosque on the Prairie will have all those fun loving moslems doing 4 minute stand-up on Just For Laughs, and Corner Gas will be just a quick fart.
And all those great idea scripts by starving Canadian writers will go back into the bottom drawer.
Now if we could only get them to shorten the 6 O'Clock news so we'd have less than 40 minutes of weather with Tamara and Wayne, pretty though they are.
That would be a good thing.


Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Holidays - Hawaii vs Mexico

Hawaii versus Mexico for a holiday.

Water - Hawaii - lots of water and beaches - vs - Mexico - you can't drink the water.
Food - Hawaii - lots of chain restaurants - vs - Mexico - you can't eat the food.
Country - Hawaii - rent a car, drive anywhere - vs - Mexico - don't leave your hotel.
Law - Hawaii - the police are on your side - vs - Mexico - the police rob you.
Life - Hawaii - Hawaiians don't kill you - vs - Mexico - Mexicans kill you.

Hawaii 5 - Mexico 0

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Joints equivilant to what?

Police raided a warehouse in Burnaby last week that was a marijuana grow-op. In trying to make the import of their bust larger than ever, they are now starting to quote the value of drugs in actual joints. In this case they say 182, 952 of them. They didn't indicate how big those rolled joints might be.
Leaving us calculating people to figure it all out on our own.

Well, for starters we all know that 182 thousand police joints might only add up to a few hundred Big Bob Marleys.
And there's a happiness factor. This amount of BC Bud probably makes 182 thousand people a little more pleasant about their position in life, bleak though it may be in reality, at least for a half hour per. Leading to a total of 5 million four hundred and sixty thousand minutes or 910, 000 person-hours of bliss. That's 3791 mellow DAYS. 10.22 Years! How bad can it be? Do we really want to shut down these places?
Those 3700 mellow nights might be having a puff and playing crib at the kitchen table with your wife instead of being angry at her because you are a failure. Like so what if you want to just sit on the floor and listen to Pink Floyd?
And there's the munchie quotient too. Chips, pretzels, Dilly Bars, corn dogs, Cheezies eaten during a floating hour of meditation. So does a bust like this one result in decreased sales of those products? Damn, is this bad? Right? Er ... or good. What IS it anyway?

Well I suppose there are many variations expressing how big the grow-op bust was, but it goes beyond a hundred Bob Marleys doesn't it? One wonders if busting grow-ops is causing more misery in the streets than the product? One could even think with recent studies in the news, that Big Macs are causing more health problems than grow-ops. And we think way more than 182,952 are served at McDonalds.
Maybe the police need to bust Ronald.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Rosie O'Donnell's view

I kind of think Rosie O'Donnell is sometimes a bit crass in the way she talks and behaves. Not a big fan. BUT ... if you notice her detractors seem to concentrate personal attacks on her; she's fat, she's loud, she's a lesbian etc ad nauseam, rather than debating her actual point of view.
And one has to consider politics in anything to do with media today, because in the USA there are fewer companies controlling all media news. The key word of course is 'controlling'.
You only need to look at Rosie's tirade against the American media, George Bush, Haliburton et al to suspect that more is afoot here than is obvious.
If you're not afraid of free speech go here - - - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiIyI6ugmUM

- - - then consider this: Rosie O'Donnell was booted off the TV show The View because - - -
A. She couldn't agree to a new contract with her network.
B. She is a crass person who is loud and a lesbian.
C. She spoke out about 9-11.

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Sunday, May 06, 2007

Isle of Man TT racing

Some things are incomprehensible to human people ... witness a flash of the Isle of Man Tourist Trophy motorcycle race in Britain ... now in it's 100th year. A 37 mile two lap race through winding mountains and stone villages at speeds of 300 kph!

Insanity to those light of heart, yet exhilaration for the foolhardy? And a vicarious experience for less daring souls.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Today in history . . . May 5

1915 - Babe Ruth of the Boston Red Sox hit his first major league home run in a game against the New York Yankees in New York.
Had he known the likes of Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds would mock baseball with their drug induced batting, he might have gone into shoe sales.

Caterwauls - the band

Here's a band who's not afraid to post their music on the web! Check out their website to hear some of their original songs, buy a CD or a T shirt and download some cool wallpaper pics.


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cambie Street merchants

Kevin Falcon, refusing to give the Cambie Street merchants a break during the dust, noise and construction devastation of their small businesses, says they'll reap huge rewards once the Canada Line gets going because a hundred thousand people a day will be going past their shops.

I guess Kevin doesn't know those people will be flashing by the merchants UNDERGROUND!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Politically correct hockey

The French-Quebeckers are hollaring foul over the selection of Shane Doan to the Canadian World Championship hockey team. It is bound to cause controversy because of the politicians' lust for media space. Doan was said to have murmured a slur against French Canadians several years ago during a game in Montreal, as reported by a French Canadian referee. Doan was cleared by the NHL at the time.

Giles Duceppe, in his vehemence about Doan's inclusion in the team,
says Shane Doan insulted French people. French people are in France, aren't they? Oh wait, I forgot, Giles is talking about his COUNTRY of Quebec. And he is hurt by Shane's ALLEGED remark. Anything to advance the cause, Gilles, got any idea what it's gonna be like when you tear Canada apart?

Stephane Dion is mimicking his 'countryman' in calling out for something or other. But even when crybaby Dion speaks English he needs a translator and we have to remember that Dion is a citizen of France. Jack Layton, the jackal following the big dogs, and seeing a moment of political gain, is crying but no one ever hears him anymore, so we don't know what he is yelping about. Harper says team officials need to discuss why Doan is captain of the team.
We all know that these French Canadians, and I use the term Canadians advisedly, are ALWAYS hurt over this or that. They want real Canadians to do whatever it is they want them to do. (Usually interpreted as giving Quebec more money) However real Canadians simply want Canada to win the World Hockey Championship.
But will these opportunistic politicians get ice time in the media? Will they get their spoiled way? Will anybody listen to their misguided message?
We're not sure but if hockey becomes political, we all know the game is doomed, at least in Canada.
Oh, and speaking of hurt feelings, you might ask a few WWII veterans if they were hurt by Quebec's refusal to participate in the war when Canada was in a grave situation.
Shane Doan should pack up and go home to enjoy his summer and take the rest of the World Cup team with him.
Then we should ask the politicians what's next?


For a copy of the Proud Duceppe pic, just Right click it and choose save as ... feel free to add it to your website or post it anywhere. Maybe we can change Gilles' disgruntledness to pride in our wonderful country. Fier ĂȘtre Canadien.

PS: Shane Doan had more class than all the politicians in the country and stuck with the team to lead them to a gold medal for Canada!