Saturday, February 28, 2015

Hair Choices

Are you in the same position as hundreds of thousands of other men? Suffering the loss of that wonderful head of hair you had as a teenager? If you're old like me you once loaded your rat-tail comb with enough Brycream to grease the axles on a locomotive. And combed it so often it was a muscle-building exercise!

But now you think wearing that old crusty baseball cap caused your hair loss? And now you think you need the hat to cover that embarrassing shine. Do women don their sunglasses when you talk to them? Is vanity ruining your life?
No, hats didn't do it. Heredity? Your Dad was bald and he handed that curse on to you? Nope. 
And now you're starting the dreaded comb-over? Mike Tyson can alter his face and no one teases him about it but you can't.

Recent research suggests that the most common type of hair loss, male pattern baldness, can be triggered by faulty hair-making progenitor cells in the scalp. Researchers long believed that men whose hair progressively thins, starting with a receding hairline, and then stretching to the crown, lacked a sufficient number of these cells.
Rather, it appears that the cells are merely unable to complete their normal development and mature to a fully-functioning state. Like pushing a gleaming strand of hair up through your skin. That finding was published last month in the Journal of Clinical Investigation.  (whatever that is)

Do women find bald men sexy? Does this guy entice her with the promise of a fifty-first shade of grey? Is he packin' a Walther PPK or designer hand-cuffs?

And there are guys who wear the bald pate well, like The Rock, oops sorry, Dwayne, and Bruce Willis? Sure. Bruce is threatening to men in a bad dangerous way and to women in a good dangerous way. Either way it is virility on display.

Treatments like Propecia and Rogaine which say they can prevent hair loss are a myth?
"Propecia is one of the most important advances in hair loss therapy in the last several decades," says Neil Sadick, a clinical professor in the department of dermatology at the Weill Cornell Medical College. 
That prescription pill, which reduces levels of a hormone that shrinks hair follicles, works best in younger people whose hair is just beginning to thin. 
But the drawbacks are huge. 
As part of a study published in a June 2011 issue of the National Journal of Sexual Medicine, Dr. Michael Irwig of George Washington University surveyed 71 regular Propecia users to find that 94 percent suffered low libido, 92 percent experienced erectile dysfunction, and 92 percent had decreased sexual arousal! What's more, the survey showed that some side effects could last an average of 40 months after patients discontinued use of the drug, bucking the commonly held perception that the cure for any unwanted symptom is simply to stop taking the pill. You shouldn't have to wait over three years for the return of a chubby.

She's the one who is smoking
So do you see the problem? You are chemical overloading to keep that top-mop believing that women love a man with a glorious head of hair. They do, but when they run their fingers through it, and are sitting close enough to drive your senses wild, and you realize that a woody might be in order but you can't seem to find the wherewithal to command one to appear, even if she has enough cleavage to hide a Volkswagen, you are in a hairy trouble.
OMG, he's looking right at ME!

While that shiny skin-head guy who looks like Mr. Clean or a gentle Genie is going around knocking chairs over in the cafe with a stiffy that is even embarrassing you! And worse, he just drew the attention of the girl you are with because she got tufts of your hair in her fingers! 

But before you go rubbing those creams, lotions and glues to your starving scalp, consider this: 
Sally Kravich, CNHP, a nutritionist and author, finds in her practice that "vanity is a good way to inspire people to eat better. We all want shiny eyes and radiant hair and skin." She encourages her patients to get nutrients and minerals from the food they eat. Unfortunately, many people don't have the best diets. Protein is important to strengthen hair and promote growth. The recommended daily amount is about two to three 3-ounce servings of meat or a combination of four to five servings of dairy and beans. Kravich tells patients dealing with hair loss to include nuts and seeds, eggs, and fish in their diets. All are important sources of omega-3 fatty acids, which help lower inflammation and create a healthier scalp.
It's best to avoid a rut; eat a variety of foods every day. Kravich recommends eating six to 10 servings of various vegetables daily, two to four fruits, and an assortment of grains and legumes and lean meat products.

Other natural methods to prevent or cure balding are to rub your scalp vigorously until a burning sensation appears. But do it in front of a mirror so you'll know if anything up there is on fire.

Coconut milk is a supposed cure, but is that because coconuts are hairy? 

Fenugreek seeds are said to repair damaged hair and prevent hair fall but it doesn't say here if you are supposed to actually plant them in your head or not. 

Onion has been found to treat baldness, rub an onion on your head twice a day. It nourishes the hair and improves blood circulation to the follicles. Also kills parasites and germs and prevents fungal infections on the hair. As long as you don't mind smelling like a Carnival burger.

not all treatments go well
Egg Yolks. They contain sulfur that improves blood circulation stimulating growth. Just don't light a match while wearing your egg mix.

Lettuce Juice has vitamins and minerals that are crucial to healthy hair. And folic acid. Follicles, right? A liter a day is about right, no need to see a doctor when your pee turns green.

There is another that uses Mustard oil but the preparation is about the same as preparing bat's wings and ground lizards for a witches brew. 
And even clinical scientists are afraid to test their growth pills for hair combined with the little blue pill for erectile disfunction in combination. Be careful, you don't want to become a Yeti with erectile malfunction and have a sheriff's posse hunting you down!

But at least these are natural treatments, not pills or chemicals made in a lab, the trend is to organic these days and of course the final judge of all these methods for treating baldness is whether you can have glorious hair and still get good wood when the need arises.

But like everything else, happiness is within our own control, hairy or slick.

So now we've got the bald macho thing under control, what do you plan to do about the growing ears?

Monday, February 09, 2015

London Tube Brainwave

The First Ever Underground Train Journey,
Edgware Road Station, London, 1862


"All right, whose barmy idea was it to have an open tourist carriage
in a bloody underground subway?"

"Not mine.'
"Nor mine."
"Not Me." 
"Mine either .... but if you're crazy enough to wear a white hat in a sooty bloody tunnel ....."