Thursday, May 05, 2005

Our Fair Political Debate

Moderator - In the spirit of fair BC politics, unlike the television media coverage, we have invited candidates from all the running parties to participate in debate tonight about the issues most concerning British Columbians in the upchucking ... er, upcoming Provincial Election on May 17th ... or 18th. Nice to have you all here, certain parties did not send candidates, for whatever reasons. Just one note, our Marijuana Party member is on a day pass from his prison cell. So, we’ll get right to ...
Liberal - We did not sell BC Rail, it’ll be ours again in 990 years. We still own the rocks under the tracks, you know. The economy is great. People are all feeling wonderful!
Marijuana Party - Yeah, sssswwwwwwwwttt, I’m feelin’ pretty good.
NDP - My old Aunt Martha isn’t feeling that great, we haven’t seen her for 8 months since you Liberals closed her hospital, we think she’s still in there!
Green Party - We stand for more trees, more fishies and moosies and lakes and ...
NDP - There’s another leaked document, the Liberals are draining the lakes.
Marijuana Party - Cotton candy, Man, there’s the thing. Sssswwwwwwwwwtt.
Green Party - Please, don’t blow that smoke at me.
Liberal - Me either, I’ve had enough trouble with impairment.
NDP - You were mentally impaired BEFORE you took office.
Marijuana Party - Hey, Man, ever smoke any of that pakalolo in Maui?
Liberal - Shhhh.
Green Party - We’re for clean air.
Unknown Party - So am I. Who let one?
Liberal - Sorry.
Green Party - We’re for bears.
Sex Party - We’re for bare naked!
Marijuana Party - Coo-ol.
Moderator - Can we talk about the issues?
NDP - The Liberals ARE the issues.
Work Less Party - Some people don't know what the issues are .... because they're working too much.
Marijuana Party - Some people don't know a Hoochie Mama from Ho Chi Minh either. Sssswwwtttt.
Democratic Reform - We should discuss STVs.
Unknown Party - I don’t get that channel.
Sex Party - Play safe, no STDs. We’re for public nudity and sex in the workplace. It would make for a much nicer day and a release of tension.
Liberal - And plenty of sunburn, what about Health Care costs?
Green Party - ST V, the Several Transferable Vote.
Moderator - Do we want to transfer our votes or not?
Marijuana Party - Whhhhhhhhheeeeooooooooooo. Transferred mine to Sparky last weekend. Look what I got for it.
Liberal - Psst! MaryJane Guy, got any papers?
Work Less Party - We need to skip right to the 22 hour workweak, it would make more jobs. Excuse me a moment, I have to phone in sick for tomorrow.
Sex Party - Make more time for sex. By the way, Green Party, you should show a bit of cleavage. Maybe hike up that skirt a little.
Marijuana Party - Sssswwwwwwwwwwwwttttttt.
NDP - Whew, it’s hot in here.
Unknown Party - Anyone got any spare change?
Liberal - Moderator, make them be serious. Let’s talk about what’s important to British Columbians.
Moderator - We hope to define that tonight.
Green Party - I’m for a greener BC. Quit exhaling on us!
Marijuana Party - Dave’s not here, sssswwwwwwwwwttttt, want a hit, Man?
NDP - We are supposed to be here for BC voters. So they can decide.
Marijuana Party - I’m for BC, Bud.
Green Party - Mr. Moderator, The Liberal is moving next to the Marijuana Guy, I think they’re making a deal.
NDP - He’s breathing deeper too.
Unknown Party - Any spare change?
Liberal - We’re gonna change the world, tee hee hee.
Democratic Reform - What about ICBC?
Liberal - You won’t see it for longggggg. Giggle. We’re selling it to the Americans.
Work Less Party - ICBC or BC?
NDP - Was that part of your plea bargain, Liberal? Ha ha.
Marijuana Party - Ssssswwwwwwwwwwtttt. Yo, Green Party, cut the trees, grow hemp.
Green Party - We gotta stop sending raw logs out of the province.
Liberal - Okay, we’ll cook ‘em first! Har har har.
Marijuana Party - Funny, Man. Ssssswwwwwwwwwwtttt.
Moderator - Please, we need to pay attention. What about BC Hydro power dams?
Liberal - Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Haw haw haw.
Democratic Reform - Hey Liberal, is your Federal branch still gonna let Americans shoot torpedoes in Georgia Straight?
Unknown Party - I’m hungry, anyone got potato chips?
NDP - Let’s try and concentrate here. Tee hee. Did you know you’re ears were crooked? Ha ha ha. Oops! Argh.
Green Party - Did you hurt yourself, NDP? I’ll fix your chair.
Liberal - Ssswwwwwwwwwwwtttt. Leave her down there.
Green Party - Sex Party, stop it! I’m not like that.
Democratic Reform - Gimme some of that ...... Sssswwwwwwwwwwwttttt.
NDP - Sssswwwwwwwwwtttt. Takes the pain away.
Marijuana Party - Sssswwwwwwwwtttt. Wwwwoooohhhhhhhhoooooooooooo. The joint is jumpin'.
Unknown Party - Pass it then.
Democratic Reform - What was I for again? Haha ha ha ha.
NDP - Delicious. Aar Aar Aar.
Sex Party - Green, it’s ok, we’re only on radio.
Moderator - Oh my.
Liberal - Where did they go?
Green Party - Oh, Sex Party, it’s been so long ....... oohhhh.
Sex Party - Green, You're a Babe!
Democratic Reform - What are you two doing down there?
Unknown Party - Reforming democracy. Sssswwwwwwttt.
NDP - Chips anyone? This room is nice the way it revolves.
Democratic Reform - Anyone got dip?
Work Less Party - Lotta dipshits in the government.
Marijuana Party - Ssssswwwwwwwwwwtttt. I read where there’s an erection comin’ up soon.
Sex Party - Hey, erections are in OUR platform.
Green Party - Come back down here, I'll show you a platform.
Sex Party - Woo.
Moderator- Excuse me .... I think he meant the election. We're supposed to be talking about that.
Liberal - Or not. Haw haw haw haw. Swwwtttttt.
NDP - Who brought the munchies? Sssswwwwwwwtttt.
Unknown Party - Any spare change? Sssswwwwwwwwwtttt.
NDP - I think some coins fell out of Sex Party’s pocket. He he he.
Work Less Party - Forget it, the Liberal got it already. Sssswwwwwwwtttt. Ha ha ha ha.
Liberal - Burp. Haw haw haw. Mumble.
Marijuana Party - Wheeez.
Moderator - Marijuana Party guy, you are a candidate running from within prison and here tonight on a day pass, what time do you have to be back?
Marijuana Party - Who's goin' back, Man?
Moderator - Is that it then? No one going to even speak anymore? Are all of you content to just sit there with silly grins and float? ........ You’re all darned lucky this is radio .........
Ah, what the hell, gimme a hit .... Ssssswwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

note; the Unknown Party member was an apolitical dumpster diver who was only passing by hoping for a meal. All other party members were authentically suppositional. Remember to vote on May 17th ..... or 18th.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Keep it real - spam or links will be eliminated