Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Cloning - the future ...

So quit badmouthing cloning and look on the bright side. Do you really believe it’s going to stop anyway? Those laboratorys were doing it secretly in the first place, and they’re not about to curtail their erotic excitement because of world opinion or morality. They get off on it. Expect a public relations onslaught on the same scale as Why War is Good For You.
So what’s good about cloning? Lots. Everyone can have wool sweaters instead of that sticky polyester. Dolly’s legacy. Maybe your dog is getting old, can’t control himself, you take him down to Clones-R-Us and get a brand new puppy, and he IS your dog all over again!
But it’s human cloning you’re thinking about, right? Okay, imagine this if you will; two hockey teams made up of only Wayne Gretskys. What a game! How about George Foreman against George Foreman in the ring? Imagine his kids at ringside! And the Jolly Giant will smile and cook you a steak between rounds on his grill. The downside to human cloning of course is how many Britney Spears can we stand?
Hollywood will embrace cloning, they’d be able to remake all those old movies with original clones. ‘It Happened One Night’ with Clark Gable 2 and ‘High Noon’ with Gary Cooper 'A version', except someone wouldn’t be able to resist making all the bad guys Cooper too. One can only fantasize Russ Meyer movies! And they’ll have the technology to go back for the REAL Ben-Hur’s DNA and have the chariot race against Charlton Heston 'B'. And imagine listening to the Barbara Streisand Choir.
And you know how your kids’ll do everything for you as six-year-olds but won’t do anything at seven? You’d be able to have perpetual six-year-olds forever getting you things, the remote, a beer. The excitement never ends! Never ends ...... never ends

But wait ... it’s inevitable that we’ll clone AND genetically engineer what we need. One of them new Aardvark vacuum cleaners. Perhaps a brand new Jaguar with leather seats. I mean a brand new JAGUAR! Genetically adapted to be docile of course. Perhaps a running dog fetching a perpetual bouncing ball. Maybe a tap dancing pink elephant? Or a green blob thingy that was once a frog?
And ... er, other things we don’t really NEED but what we’ll think are fun to have. Right? It isn’t too unimaginable that we’ll own creatures like these ...

Clone your kids now before they're too old - only $2995.00

RunningDog #359a - This week only - $49.50

TapDancing pink elephant - Model #123x - Sold out, rain checks available.

GreenBouncing Blob C6 - Our most popular seller, volume discount.

Little genetic clones who will run their hearts out for you ... until they die ... but they have no brains, only a program, no thoughts, only an impulse to run, or to dance for our amusement, or to plop endlessly on the floor. They have no idea what they are doing. It's all right, we'll be told .... because they have no idea. They're only 'manufactured beings'. They have no feelings. They don't know anything at all.
Do we?
Look at them. Trying so hard. Are you sad too?

[reprinted by permission of -]

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