Long in the tooth Antonio Banderas would rather ride the Black Horse than Catherine Zeta Jones, just when she's heaving her breasts ala Barbara Cartland romance novel, he rides off into the moon. A chubby lil Mexican kid runs weight off by the end of the picture and Catherine wells up with tears again and again. Lots of sword fighting, but it's not Johnny Depp, more like his Dad with bad eye makeup, and nobody ever gets cut. But blow-ups are everywhere and even when a California orange falls to the ground it sounds like the Space Shuttle exploding. I think the sound effects guy must be the producer's brother-in-law. Bring ear plugs. There are a couple of times where they forgot to put Antonio on the apple box and he has to look up to Catherine, but who cares? Being anywhere near that magnificent brunette is good enough, and especially when you're at eye level with her ..... well never mind. Have fun trying to spot the Lee Marvin movie parody.
The hero of the piece? I'd put my money on the Black Horse.