Carbon Tax - brilliantly saving the planet

Most of the time I just don't get it. But I just heard an ad on the radio that explained the government's carbon tax.
It basically stated that the Campbell tax you're going to get on your gas fill-up will enable you and your children to breath fresh air forever.
Seems too simple doesn't it? Tax is the answer. This must have been thought up by the same guy in the basement of the Royal Bank (ba-ad vernacular, they only want to distract you nowadays with RBC) who thinks up fees and ways to sneak dollars out of your account.
So if there is a world wide food shortage, we could tax bread higher. Make it like twenty bucks a loaf. Voila! Everyone has a full stomach!
Water droughts? Meter your glass. Tax every spoonful. Maybe five dollars a sip. That way the water will be drinkable even in the swamps of Africa.
So the carbon tax will surely stop the building of those 65 coal fired energy plants that Dick Cheney announced. All those diesel truck fleets will suddenly stop emitting foul black smoke. China's pollution will stop blowing across the Pacific into our lungs. Butterflys will fly, the grass will grow and the sky will be blue. All it takes is taxes.
Speaking of lungs, what about, say, 10 cents a breath? Might as well eliminate emphysema while we're at it.
I get it now.