Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Things I learn as I get older

  • - you don't want to have your laundry hamper and your toilet in the same room.
  • - intestinal gas is not a propellant.
  • - I must have only dreamt I peed a hole through cardboard.
  • - all those people weren't actually talking to ME.
  • - prunes aren't funny anymore.
  • - if you wear dentures, you don't want to spit while flushing the toilet.
  • - hair moves around under your skin to a different place.
  • - snoring is like a reverse alarm system.
  • - on the pleasure scale scratching a rash and bowel movements are now tied for first.
  • - UNtieing your shoelaces is way harder than tieing them.
  • - The best way to keep your slippers on is to put your socks on OVER them.
  • - cover your mouth when you cough; it's embarrassing to spew germs all over. It's even more embarrassing to spew your teeth over the checkout counter.
  • -

3 comments:

  1. Bill P11:21 am

    laughing my fuckin ass off

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous8:54 am

    sheeeeez, is that gonna happen?

    ReplyDelete

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