Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Exercise Program

Bob's body parts face a dilemma ....

                   "So what's up with this?"

Brain           "Who's that?"

Thigh          "Me, Thigh. He's nearly running again today."

Brain           "Yeah he's started on some kind of exercise thing."

Thigh          "Well, I'm still aching from yesterday. I don't like it at all."

Foot            "You think that's bad, he's had those Adidas for 6 years, and now he wants to 
                    start running on them? They're worn out for Pete's sake! My arches
                    are falling."

Thigh          "C'mon Brain, no one wants any exercise program, what was wrong with 
                    him just sitting at the computer all day?"

Heart           "That was nice and relaxing, I never had to beat over 60 bpm. I could nap
                    from lunch to dinner time. And at night with TV I could just lie there
                    in a warm pool of blood."

Knees          "Yes, Brain, nag him about his bad knees again. I did what I could last night,
                    ached and ached."

Thigh          "So how determined is he anyway? I think he'll quit soon."

Brain           "Sometimes I can't tell him anything, it's like his mind has a mind of it's own."

Lungs          "Hey, that is your JOB, Brain. I can hardly keep up with all this oxygen! 
                   I used to be able to take every second breath off. Now I feel like some kind
                   of vacuum pump in a lead mine."

Brain           "You parts need to remember how good it was when he used to run the
                   Sea Wall every day. And do gym exercise too."

Stomach      "I liked that, he could eat cake whenever he wanted, and those donuts
                   with pink icing."

Thigh          "It's not all about you and your lascivious pleasures, Stomach. Some of us
                   have to work for a living. But walking two miles is excessive! From his bed to
                   the computer or TV is just right. No one needs to do more than that." 

Ego              "He's doing it to look good, doesn't want to get old and ugly."

ID                "He's already old, he should face it and quit picking out grey hairs and 
                    trimming his eyebrows. No girls gonna look at him. And there's a
                    wonderful variety of canes out now.  How can I make him cantankerous if 
                    he's looking good?"

Thigh           "Well if he tries this fast walk thing again tomorrow I'm getting a 
                    Charlie Horse."

Foot             "I might be able to rub up a few blisters ..... ID, couldn't you steer him into
                    a tree or something?"

Ego              "Don't ask ID to do stuff like that. You're flirting with disaster."

ID                "I don't flirt with anybody. I'll kick a puppy if you like."

Thigh           "We need to stay on target and stop this madness of exercise."

Lungs          "I tried gasping but he just waits a minute and starts up again."

Stomach      "I can't do much, he's drinking gallons of water. And only eats one cookie at 
                    a time now."

Muscles       "If he starts sit-ups we're all in trouble. The thing about pain is that it 
                   feels so good when it stops."

Brain           "You parts quit grumbling and wait and see what happens."

Rectum       "Um ... could I say something?" 

Brain           "No, you're never serious. You always make fun of the rest of us."

Thigh          "Yeah, shut up Rectum."

Rectum       "Think about it. Would that really be a good idea?"

Stomach      "Constipa .... C'mon, I can't deal with back-up again."

Brain           "Okay what is it then, Rectum? And no wise cracks."

Rectum       "I just wanted to remind you of how good it was last time he was 
                   active like this."

Thigh          "Meaning exactly what."

Rectum       "Everything worked properly. And when he went on the toilet he always 
                   had great bowel movements. They were soooo good."

Brain          "What?"

Rectum       "They were sooo-ooo good ....."

Thigh          "I get it, so how good were they?"

Rectum       "They were so good he couldn't flush without saying goodbye. Ha ha ha!"


Rectum        "Who said that?"

Brain           "Oh sheeeez."

Thigh          "What 're we gonna do?"


  1. Anonymous8:44 am


  2. Anonymous3:59 pm

    Fucking funny as hell!!!!!!! well done!!

  3. Anonymous12:50 pm

    Funny as hell!


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