50 shades of grey

Lose the other 49 ....

Emmylou Harris

Separated at Birth?

This is better than Ringo and Yassir Arafat.
These two have an uncanny resemblance:
Keven Krueger, a British Columbia MLA, and Roy Handler, Chelsea Handler's brother.

Both have woman mentors - Kevin has Christy (Miss Cleavage) Clarke, and Roy has Chelsea (Playboy feature) Handler. Kevin is retiring from the legislature and therefore leaving Christy, Roy is being kicked out of Chelsea's house by Chelsea.
Christy, our BC Premier has wonderful cleavage and displays it fully and often. It is believed that Chelsea, a woman of some experience, also has great cleavage but exposes it less often.

Could Kevin and Roy have crossed paths? Perhaps in the baby nursery?

There once was a time when a rich Prince out riding in a strange town, came across a poor beggar in the street and noticed a striking resemblance between himself and the beggar. "Hail there, you," he ordered. The beggar, startled and afraid at being accosted by a knight of such finery, cringed, "Yes your majesty?" The Prince calmed his horse at the smell of the beggar and said, "You bear a striking resemblance to myself, I want to know if your mother ever passed through my Kingdom?"
The beggar squinted at the noble countenance of the well groomed Prince and said, "No, your Mastership, but my father did."

We assume Kevin and Roy will never cross paths again, but once was probably enough.

Leave them alone.

Fred Willard went to an adult movie theater. Someone must have followed him there and somehow the police were called and Fred was arrested for lewd conduct. Are these the same people who followed Pee Wee Herman into his theater?  I believe that was the charge against Pee Wee too.
Both of these men lost their jobs and had a tremendous crash to their careers.

But it was in an adult theater, there is no such thing as lewd conduct in an adult theater. You are supposed to do lewd things in there. The screen is filled with lewd people lewding each other! The lewd attendees, having paid with lewd money, and sitting a discrete 5 rows from each other are thinking lewd thoughts, with overcoats over their lewd laps and perhaps a napkin in their trembling hands. It is an ADULT theater. For porn, get it?

Fred Willard is now 76. Viagra pills cost about $15 each. Admission to these theaters (for seniors) is about $7. There is no sense taking a Viagra if you have no one to share the results with. 
What about Pee Wee? Did the poor little man ever proposition a hooker without being laughed at? Did she turn him down because she didn't have her pigtails on? Where was he supposed to go? And what kind of reporter follows Pee Wee around until he slips into a Triple X theater? Is Fred Willard a target for TMZ? If he really is he should be proud of it and hold a press conference! Maybe cry and apologize for the behavior of the reporter and demonstrate a dramatic ability. His career might take off in a completely new direction.
Was Charlie Sheen lewd? Nope, they couldn't get him because he admitted it all and the girls liked him! Charlie USED the people from TMZ to further his career!

What exactly IS lewd? I'll tell you what lewd is;
Lewd is the CEO of BP defying the US President while destroying the Gulf fishery.
Lewd is Dick Cheney over-riding the US Constitution while shooting a guy in the face.
Lewd is George Bush lying about WMDs in order start a vengeance war.
Lewd is Michele Bachmann maligning a whole people for Repugnican brownie points.
Lewd is Rush Limbaugh making fun of Michael J Fox's debilitating disease.
Lewd is serial child molester Jerry Sandusky and the whole board of Penn State.
Lewd is the unnamed executives behind the Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae scandals.
Lewd are the paparazzi who hound people day and night for an uncomplimentary photo.
Lewd is the mainstream media for ignoring LIBOR scandals in favor of Jennifer Aniston.

Lewd is much bigger than following a fading celebrity into a darkened movie house.

Willard is a veteran comedic actor who has appeared in more than 200 films. He most often portrays characters who seem daft or absent-minded but are nonetheless likeable. Pee Wee seemed to be a naive spacey character who was harmless to all. They've said Fred will be offered a diversion course and will be allowed to enroll in counseling to resolve a lewd conduct arrest that cost the actor his job on a public television program. The police have to do their job, but why not arrest everyone else in that theater too? It was in L.A. surely someone got shot somewhere that day. I would suggest the people on my above lewd list need counseling a lot more than Fred.

We know the targets to come, John Travolta seems to be one. They're itching to get him. And Tom Cruise for sure, but he's pretty smart, that mission might be impossible. They got George Michael but it didn't seem to take, he just went and did a concert with Elton John. They're watching George Clooney pretty carefully too, far too handsome and successful. And a little dangerous if they're not careful. Anderson Cooper took himself out of a controversy by coming out. And the society gossip media seems to be tired of catching congressmen and senators in airport stalls. Not lurid enough, their wives always stick by them for the shopping and the men are just too pathetic. Didn't these people get it with Bill Clinton? No one cared!

It's not like the olden days, is it? When the Hollywood media protected Rock Hudson, Johnny Mathis and Tab Hunter. Today it's about trying to destroy people. But I'm asking, what's the point? Don't all these famous people have a right to privacy sometime too? A moment alone without scrutiny? A holiday retreat in private? A quiet movie?
Maybe not, as long as supermarkets exist with magazine racks at the check-out full of vicarious thrills it'll never end. Too bad.

Maybe Fred and Pee Wee could put together a new act. Take it on the road. We've had the Vagina Monologues, why can't we have the Penile Duologues? Maybe reinvigorate PeeWee's Playhouse with Fernwood Tonight and call it Good Wood with your PeeWee Tonight? Or make them both spies wearing shades and trench-coats in a flashy TV show called Secret Servicing? Or something dark, like Ingmar Bergman cinema, call it The Five Fingers. Can you see Fred as a Swede, saying, "Jah, und der barometer vas fallink und I vas standing oonder it." With PeeWee as a Peter Lorre caricature.

As for me, well, I am a wannabe actor too. I need that embarrassing shot and the pulpy publicity. I'm going to hang outside of an adult movie house and smile at the cars going by like those free car wash girls. Somebody might notice me. I promise to drop my pants too, should it be boxers or briefs? I tried leaving my fly open but a hooker just walked over, zipped it up, smacked me and warned I'd get arrested for insufficient exposure.


Damn. Just when you want something you can't get it. The photographer told me to get outa the picture as he was taking this one.

But I'll be back tomorrow. After I call TMZ to tell 'em where I am.

Say anything you want about me but spell my name right. Okay?



Meanwhile leave Fred alone, he don't hurt nobody.

Who exactly ARE the bad guys?

 - Only a few weeks ago, Visa Inc, MasterCard Inc and banks that issue their credit cards agreed to a $7.25 billion settlement with US retailers in a lawsuit over the fixing of credit and debit card fees in what could be the largest antitrust settlement in US history. Shameful and criminal. But do we know exactly WHO did this? Do we ever get a name or hear of a long prison sentence for this kind of crime that affects us all?

 - Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - the subprime mortgage crisis and scandal - as of Dec 16, 2011, no one has been charged with a crime. We know of company names but hardly any personnel names. Yet somebody sent memos, emails. Somebody had their name attached to those memos. We have been conditioned to accept that corporations are immune to the actions of their managers.

- The WTC attacks - Only six months before the towers disintegrated into cement dust from fire, the first time in the history of steel constructed buildings - Larry Silverstein acquired the lease for 3.2 billion - then insured the complex and after the dust settled, claimed 12.3 billion. Nice profit considering the whole complex was known to be a total losing proposition!

- The Enron Scandal - unfortunately all the information gathered as evidence by the FBI, was housed in their offices in WT7 when it too, in sympathy some say, also imploded into a convenient grey dust in 2001. So nothing exists to go forward with any prosecutions. Odd coincidence?

- The disastrous BP oil spill happened and only one BP executive stepped down while the BP security even kept the US Navy away from the site. BP simply defied the President of the United States and won. Reporters were chased away by armed security. So far no one even knows if the Deepwater Horizon is still leaking into the Gulf seabed and expanding the Gulf  'dead zone'!

- JP Morgan Chase has lost 5.7 billion in a trading blunder and no one knows where the money went. Almost a typical incident among banks these days who keep raising YOUR fees. Today banks can show a profit for each quarter of over a billion dollars, all with a straight face. And no one questions the fact that bank are parasites to YOUR money.

- The Plame Affair when Valerie Plame, an active CIA undercover asset was outed by journalist Robert Novak, through Karl Rove and at the instigation of George W. Bush because of a personal squabble. Rove was investigated but no one was jailed for this treasonous act. Robert Novak the Bush media puppet did what he was told, maybe at the cost of other CIA operative's lives!

- The Bailout of major automobile companies who took the money and still gave their executives million dollar bonuses of taxpayer money! Then flew to the Senate Hearings inquiring about the industry's problems in private jets and did nothing but exhibit their arrogance! How many got fired for NOT reaching their targets?

- Fukushima nuclear disaster. 3 Mile Island warned us all. Chernobyl confirmed the danger, and the danger will last for 1000 years, and yet even while the radiation particles blowing across the Pacific are registering higher than ever before, we have to search back pages to get an inkling that anything is wrong. Hondas continue rolling in. Business as usual. Is that the exact trouble with business?

Not to mention the invasion of Iraq on falsified WMD information. Or what the so called Federal Reserve is up to. Or Jeb Bush, Governer of Florida stealing the 2000 election for his brother. Or the fact that huge pharmaceutical companies now control the Food and Drug Administration of the US Government, (did you know that no matter what the drug does to you and your family, you cannot sue the drug manufacturer?) Or that Monsanto and agricultural companies like them are given free reign to engineer, manipulate and 'adjust' farm production of Frankenfood. For their profit while ignoring our health.

And I'm not looking for sex scandals or local scandals at all, that would take a series of volumes or a full hard disk just for the headings, nope only listing a very a few of the kind that ruin lives or steal away the life savings of ordinary working people, or the ones that make you sick instead of better, or the ones that take away your hope, or the those that send the brave young men and women of a country into harm's way for the stealthy designs of a few. Does any reporter ever tell you about depleted uranium bullets?

People used to trust reporters. How many great movies have shown courageous efforts of investigative reporters? But that's fiction now, isn't it? Deep-throats are grabbed and spirited away into incarceration like Bradly Manning. Julian Assange is persecuted by the cornerstone of democratic law respecting government, England, for revealing a slur by a diplomat about another diplomat? People once trusted their governments to look out for them. That trust has degraded into a wary suspicion of government in general and a questioning of everything they do and by what motives they do it.

We don't trust our health care anymore. Millions of doses of vaccines sit in warehouses because people no longer trust the drug companies to protect them. (In recent years, pharmaceutical companies have committed acts that forced them to pay the largest criminal fines in American history. In cases involving Pfizer, Eli Lilly, Bristol Myers Squibb and other drug companies, these fines and penalties have totaled over $7 billion)

Big agro is genetically modifying your food whether you want it or not, and the movement to buy and eat locally is growing exponentially, because of mistrust. Can you trust Monsanto to help bring up your children? Does the nutrition stay in that modified apple that will last a year without turning brown? Isn't that deterioration a warning signal that we need to see?

We citizens are constantly being warned about criminals and terrorists in our midst, necessitating changes to the way we live. The bogey man that was invented by Romans centuries ago when they warned, "Hannibal is at the gates," and has been perpetuated ever since to scare the people, evolving into 'the bogey man will get you.' Our internet actions are monitored and messages searched without warrants in the pretense of catching terrorist plans. CCV cameras appear everywhere so that bad guy schemers can be tracked and caught, by face recognition software and the sneaky by product is that everyone else is now watched and identified too. Virtually every message you send and every phone call you make is monitored and recorded in the name of 'protecting' us poor public people from the, bad guys. And so Hannibal is at the gates again. Two thousand years later.

Drones are now flying above you in urban neighborhoods. Watching, listening and they are being armed with weapons and tasers to attack you from above! Can we even trust our own police? They are the ones flying the drones! And now it is becoming WE the people who are the ones starting to live like those terrorists in the desert, hiding from electronic eavesdropping of drones and spy satellites! Keeping our shades drawn.Keeping our bodies cool so we don't send a thermal imaging silhouette.

But we must ask sometime; who are the real bad guys and why aren't governments protecting people against them? You need only to ask how badly have you been affected by criminals and terrorists? Does any of this compare to the guy who took your cash in an alleyway? Or the one who stole your car while you were sleeping? Does that compare with GMO food that could change the DNA of your children?
Ask how badly have you been affected by the white collar criminals? How badly are you being affected by governments and the corporations in collusion with them? The powers that be keep conditioning people to accept that the upper echelon of  “white-collar” crime as not crime and such people couldn’t possibly be criminals. They wear silk ties, not black hats. If you're not doing anything wrong you have nothing to fear. Who defines wrong?
And your local News Hour reports on lost cats while staying clear of reality news or controversy. It is all beyond your understanding, they say. And most are going for the lie.
Life is just easier that way. So far.

There are other reasons for our fear of learning truths;
A reporter for Bloomberg News, investigating where the federal bailout (taxpayer) money was going, was well into enough info to expose the complexities of what was going on, when at aged 52, he unexpectedly died.
So did 20 witnesses to the Kennedy assassination die within three months of the event on November 22, 1963.

And what happened to so many witnesses of 9/11 when they wanted to talk about what they saw? Why did do many respected reporters who made candid observations on the day, Like Dan Rather, Aaron Brown and Peter Jennings change their opinions right afterward? To their continuing embarrassment today? Who got to them?

Who are the real bad guys?

You know the answer.

This is a Public Service Announcement.

Really.
Health Canada has just announced the removal from sale of a product called Lightning Rod. In an advisory released Friday they found that testing identified a hidden ingredient hydroxythiohomosildenafil, which can be dangerous to people with heart problems, who are at risk of stroke or are taking nitrate drugs. Lightning Rod is a product used to treat erectile dysfunction.

Hydroxythiohomosildenafil is similar to sildenafil, the active ingredient in Cialis and Viagra and should only be used under the treatment of a doctor. Or maybe an elocutionist if you're trying to say what you want. It may be called elucidation, although sedation could just as easily take effect.
Health Canada warns that people with heart problems, including high blood pressure, a history of heart attack, stroke, and abnormal heart beat or chest pain are at higher risk of problems if they take sildenafil to help them achieve an erection.
People huh? Be gender specific, women don't take this stuff. Only men with glazed over eyes and dreams of conquest. Other possible side-effects of using sildenafil include headache, facial flushing, indigestion, dizziness, abnormal vision and hearing loss.

It's the side effects isn't it? Always is. Those CNN medicine ads that tell you they can fix what's wrong with you but the long list of side effects always ends with, 'You may experience death.'  Gets me too. So just when you think you've got the key to a youthful interlude with your loved one, they tell you there's something wrong with that big long word. Let's look at those side effects, perhaps we can help;

You want to have that teener erection, like the time when you were 13 at school and Becky was sitting on the stairs with her legs apart. How many times did you walk by? Furtively glancing, stealthily flushing, secretly fantasizing. Noticeably swelling. But that was then, this is now. You're part of the grey Over-the-Hill mob now.

So you go for the Lightning Rod. Even the name has excitement. A jagged bolt from the sky filled with heat and thunder. You have memories of your olden days when you presented it to your future wife and invited her to, meet the President.
But that first on the list headache could come on. Not the same one she uses, that's called selective migraine. This one is written clearly on the package. Headache. Damn it hurts. So far it's working only to the extent that your head is swelling INSIDE your skull. As long as no blood vessels pop, you should be okay.

Next is the facial flush. This is nothing like the redness you get and try to hide when playing poker with the guys and you have a Royal Flush in your hand. Nope. This is just old man going up the basement stairs out of breath with red blood-pressure 280 over 11 kind of flush with something else in his hand. And it's not appealing at all. Wifey won't say, when she comes in the door from work, "Oh my, what's that bulging in your pants?" She'll more likely yell, "Why are your red eyes bugging out like that?" and she'll push you into a soft chair and call 9-1-1! NOT what you wanted, you sexy old bugger. And you know the paramedics will only grin when they find out what you've done! And no one wants to see what you were so proud of down there in the dark when you took the pill! Did you ever think to check a mirror?

So here comes the next one, indigestion. At last, a symptom you're comfortable with. You have Tums in the candy dish. Don't they make Bromo Seltzer any more? You used to enjoy it with rye whiskey until it took out your liver. Indigestion and you haven't even eaten anything yet. Well except for the left over sardine pizza. Those belches ain't gonna make her feel sexy, Bud, especially with that breath.

And dizziness. This is becoming critical. Why is the room spinning? How can you greet her at the door with a lightning rod if you have to clutch at the walls to get there? You just pulled down the curtain rod. You could put on a tango and slide along the wall. No, she'd just laugh at that. Valentino slinked in the sand but he didn't slide across the hardwood. Okay okay. Be AT the door when she walks in. No need to slink or slip. Maybe it's sink or swim? Dizziness is not sexy. You remember when you finally got Becky to go out with you and you slipped a little extra in her drink and when you got amorous she just fell down on the floor and threw up on your suede shoes? Dizziness is not sexy. Just warning you, after all this is a PSA.

What else is written on the package? You say you can't read the bloody package with abnormal vision! As long as you can see her. Sheez, is she going to be a blur? What if it's her mother? She comes over on Wednesday nights, doesn't she? Is memory loss on the package too? You can't greet your mother-in-law with a blurry lightning rod. Well it won't be blurry to the Watch Commander, will it? And abnormal doesn't just mean blur, it could be a whole mess of vision things. Things that aren't there. Well THAT is still there, but what if Wifey's late and it get's into that three hour warning period and those paramedics are wheeling you out on a gurney with a tent in the blanket on your way to get the deflation procedure while she walks up the driveway! Everyone will have a grin on their face except YOU! Might as well push yourself down the basement stairs and just .... die.

What's that you say? Can't hear? Cup your ear. Hearing loss is on the monograph too. Wifey will walk in from work, tell you she's dead tired, has a throbbing headache, it's been a rough day and her boss is a bastard and all you will hear is; "Honey, I need you so badly, I can't wait to have sex with you and your Thunderbolt friend." Ba-a-ad mistake. That abnormal heart rate and chest pains have nothing to do with pills and everything to do with Wifey being pissed off! She's trying to assassinate the President with her umbrella! Lightning can strike even out of a blue sky!


Is the music still playing? Why can't you hear it? Turn up the tango. Sheeez, are you having a stroke? Are you even in the right apartment? You're not sure if the lightning rod is supposed to work like that. You had to lie crosswise on the toilet to pee. That can't be right. Your ears feel funny. Your toes are even swollen. You kicked the coffee table leg and didn't feel it.You're walking around bumping into things. Even the dog is hiding from you. You're going into mental bankruptcy. You got the erection you wanted but it drained your brain! And after you swallowed that pill in the basement and imagined sensory overload. Ah, vanity has slain the most brave warriors.

So you can see why Health Canada pulled the product.
The warning is to go see your doctor if you are having erectile problems. You could face a personal disaster if you imagine stalking, lying in wait and attacking your wife as she comes in the door from work! It's just too complicated to contemplate the consequences.You've been conned by Lightning Rod.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

This has been a Public Service Announcement, paid for by the committee to re-erect the President.

This is what I don't get ...

Only three of the Vancouver rioters have so far been convicted and sentenced. All three of those have pled guilty. Several more who are pleading guilty have been convicted. In most cases their sentencing is delayed until 2013!
What?
That is yet another year away from the original criminal act. Why is this taking so long?
It seems to me, that we could have had a special judge and court room assigned to specifically hear the cases of all those who are pleading guilty. Then we bring them all in at 7 in the morning and show them and their lawyers the video evidence, ask them what they plead, they say guilty, and the judge gives them their sentence in that moment!

 Would you agree that the whole process should take 10 minutes tops?
Would you agree that the perps who are pleading guilty anyway, would WANT the sentencing immediately?
Would you agree that their lawyers, having their clients pleading guilty anyway, would welcome the quick money? Ten minutes - maybe a thousand dollars?
Would you agree that taking up to three YEARS after the crime to hand down sentencing is just plain stupid, inefficient, and idiotic when there is no contest from the defendants? By their own agreement.

In an 8 hour day that would be 48 criminals sentenced. Why do 8 hours? Why not run that courtroom for 10 hours, to 7 PM, or even 10 PM! 15 hours! That would be 90 convictions and sentences handed down. No delay. No bulls**t.  Set a time, and if they don't turn up, double the sentence. 

And if the defendants could forgo a lawyer because of the expected swift justice, and because of their agreement to being guilty, they might be happy to save the exorbitant lawyer's fees.

They say there are 200 rioters awaiting court. Let them argue their cases if they want to, then the delays and costs will be part of their suffering, different matter, but if they plead guilty, save us all the grief and consternation of why court takes so long and get on with it.


They are pleading guilty and WANT it over with. It is full justice. Shouldn't at least 90 of these perps have been convicted and sentenced by now?

Why don't I get why this is taking so long?