Daily Laugh item

Have you ever wondered why our Canadian justice system is so screwed up? No, you're like me, you've just come to accept it as a joke.
There's this Toronto accountant guy. He did the books for these twenty-one daycare centers. He (allegedly) stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from them when he suddenly resigned from the job leaving his wife and kids and disappearing to another country. That was two years ago. No one in our police system could find him. (We assume no one thought of checking travel agents or airline passenger lists.)
Then the CBC program The Fifth Estate somehow finds him in Africa. He's out of money. He wants to come back to Canada to face justice .....
BUT ..... you knew this was coming, right? ..... the Canadian authorities wouldn't arrest him and fly him back to Canada! So the CBC team pays for his flight back in the interests of having an exclusive story! He finally gets arrested at the airport.
I guess if he was going to be a major criminal and wanted to hide he should have just hid within Canada like all the other criminals do.
Our justice system is a never ending source for your Daily Laugh.

Please don't cry.

My Left Foot

A human left foot was discovered partially submerged in the water near Westham Island in Ladner, B.C., Monday. It's the fifth human foot police have found in the province in less than a year. Four right feet, each wearing a sock and sneaker, have been discovered since August. A woman's right foot was found on uninhabited Kirkland Island in the Fraser River in May, just a few kilometres from where police found the fifth foot.
Three other men's right feet washed up in the Gulf Islands between Vancouver and Vancouver Island. In August, feet were discovered on Gabriola and Jedediah islands and, in February, another foot was found on Valdez Island.
Baffling isn't it? Is it ritualistic? Is it crazy? How could severed feet be turning up in Georgia Straight? Where are they coming from?
My deduction is that someone is dropping them into the Fraser river somewhere. Not too far or they might have been discovered farther upstream.
How does one obtain such a bizarre item for whatever reason? A person working in a mortuary would have access to human body parts. They could sever a foot of someone just before burial or cremation and it would be hard to discover.
But after who knows what secret ceremony?
Bizarre, but then the human mind has always had the capacity to be grotesque if you look closely enough.

The Sequel is Real

Kobe Bryant NBA Idol

Kobe Bryant, 'star' player in the NBA had wonderful leadership type comments last night after a loss. He said he " had lots of wine and beer, and about 20 shots, they wet the bed and it was a big one too, not that you can put a towel over."
One wonders about all those school kids who look up to sports heroes.
But wait, it's the NBA, the Sleaze League. It seemed to start a few years ago when all those fans with hand-held TVs at the game noticed that when it was dead quiet in the actual arena, there was the frantic excitement of cheering fans on the TV broadcast and it was found that the NBA was adding their own soundtrack to make basketball seem exciting.
Sort of what professional 'wrestling' might do.
So now many referees working the NBA are under investigation for fixing games! Because the league wanted 7 game playoffs. I suppose they rig it so each team wins 3 and they toss up the last game. Sort of like today's game actually, you go down our end and shoot, we go down your end and shoot. All preprogrammed until the last minute of play. The referees making sure of it all. Sort of like NASCAR which always brings out yellow flags with 5 laps to go.
If you're not exactly a follower of the NBA, you might still recall Kobe as the central figure in a sleazy legal case when he was charged with felony sexual assault against a 19-year-old woman at an exclusive spa. The case was dissolved when the woman decided not to testify after receiving death threats. Bryant, at a news conference, insisted the act was consensual, ignoring the fact that he is married and his wife was standing beside him.
Maybe I'm getting too excited about this?
Maybe he's not influencing school children at all, maybe the young people who look up to Kobe aren't in school, they're out robbing liquor stores or wetting the bed.
Never mind.

Tiger Woods and hockey

Tiger Woods says he doesn't dig hockey, especially on television. Hmmm. Is there anything more stimulating than golf on TV?

Commentator : (whispering) Tiger tees off ... straight down the old fairway.
zzzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzz
Commentator : (whispering) Tiger choosing a nine iron ... chips it high ... rolling straight onto the old green.
ZzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Commentator : (whispering) Tiger about to putt ... drops straight into the old cup, how exciting is that, folks?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZsnortzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Commentator : (whispering) And now a word from old Cadillac ... now with old OnStar so they can tell you old folks who you are.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZ
Commentator : (whispering) Tiger is accepting his new billlion dollar cheque ... straight into his old pocket.

Hmm. (whispering) Maybe old Tiger could buy himself a personality?

Beluga thrills

A new baby beluga whale has been born at the Vancouver Aquarium. All the people involved are thrilled. The whale is a little small but healthy so far. This is hailed as a wonderful event. They boast it will do better than in the wild.
But isn't it sort of like a human child born at home with the prospect of being confined to that bedroom for the rest of it's life?
Given the option I bet the whale would choose the wild.

I don't get it?

General Motors is closing down a plant in Ontario.
It builds SUVs and trucks.
The union wants them to continue building no matter what.
They make a protest that stops production.
erp?