Being the further adventures of Hans und Helmet, formerly of the BMW design section of the BMW factory, demoted because of the BMW 7 Series trunk bulge fiasco. (See the Feb 25, 2005 report on this blog) Hans und Helmet are now working for the Volkswagen factory in Wolfsburg, Germany, having been run out of Munich, and are now in charge of the introduction of the all new, improved, bigger, better, longer, lower, higher, wider, more powerful, faster Volkswagen Jetta autocar ...
Helmet: Where ist dat car? Our superiors are comink to view the new design.
Hans: Don't panik, Helmet, it ist comink.
Helmet: The Jetta has been der grosser success for Volkswagen, the new one must be better in efery way. Our new bosses are countink on it.
Hans: Ja, dis autocar vill be great, Aki ist drivink it here right now.
Hans: Ja, Aki. You know Aki.
Helmet: (Face beginning to flush) Nein, Hans, who ist Aki?
Hans: Aki Yamamoto, the new employee from ... er ... Berlin.
Helmet: He ist drivink it from where?
Hans: Er ... from da parkink lot, where we keep all our newest, secret autocars.
Helmet: (swallows hard, sweat beads on his forehead) What did you tell him, Hans?
Hans: (proudly) I ask him to bring up the best lookink new car in production. He ist comink now.
(Helmet stares at Hans with suspicion and apprehension. Aki arrives with a flourish, a screech and a wide grin, piloting a brand new Toyota Corolla sedan. Helmet is aghast. Aki steps out and bows to the two Germans, his inch thick glasses fall off. )
Aki: Boss, I bling best new cah for velly nice bossmen.
Helmet: (staggering backward) Oh my God, might as well be Tojo screaming kamikaze!
(A knock is heard on the door.)
Hans: (beginning to cry) He does not understand much German, Helmet.
(The bangs on the door become louder. Aki is still blindly groping for his glasses, Helmet looks with painful dread at the new Toyota, the car seems to be grinning back at him.)
Helmet: Hans! DO somethink quick! They are here to see the new Jetta!
(Hans begins to wail in fear, frozen to the wall, pulling his white lab coat over his head.
Hans: We'll be working at Messerschmitt next!
Helmet: What's wrong mit you? Messerschmitt is no longer in business.
Hans: Vhat you t'ink I am tellink you?
Helmet grabs Aki and smashes his face into the Toyota front grill, he twists the Japanese into pretzel shapes, turning and pulling and pushing until the grill is opened more and the bumper falls off and the Toyota emblem has become the Volkswagen double V.
As the door is finally opened and the top brass from Volkswagen file in to view the newest Jetta, Aki, still clutching the grill while being pulled away by Helmet, distorts it into a deeper opening. The bosses all smile and compliment Helmet. He tosses Aki into a corner. Hans breaths a sigh of relief.)
(The bosses look quizzically at Helmet.)
Helmet: Secret project, boss.
The Bosses: (in unison) Ah, so.
(Hans puts on Aki's glasses and admires the car in the wrong direction.)