Sunday, June 02, 2013

Hollywood Celebrity News

It's not gossip, it's gossamer!

Tori Spelling turns 40 in a bikini.  Go ahead and put your clothes on,  Tori,  there's no  pool!  The ones who did come to her party hid behind the cake.  Rumors say she will star in her very own Creature From the Black Lagoon show,  to be called Tori Creeps Us Out,  as soon as she gets her overbite fixed and buys Johnny Depp. It will be filmed entirely in the pond in her bedroom.

 Lady Gaga continues to deny the persistent rumors that she is a guy.  In spite of  Bette Midler saying she saw him/her standing at a urinal and those legs were not pretty at all and her aim was no good. The Divine Miss M said Gaga's shoes squished as she walked by.
Kim Kardashian denies that while attending a Hollywood party she sat on Mr. Bill.  She said there was no-one green on her chair.   Her ass,  which arrived later,  had no comment.  The Weight Watchers signing was put off when the company said they couldn't survive a Kirstie Alley Jenny Craig situation.  Kim said the talk that she is pregnant with triplets,  one in front,  two at back,  are cruel.

Gwyneth Paltrow, in order to quell the talk that she is the most hated star in Hollywood,  moved to Burbank.  She said those little people there really like her and she would soon open a booth to bless them on Thursdays.

Meanwhile Beyonce is furious because she is tired of being taken for Tyra Banks.  She said at least she is welcome on Rodeo Drive and went shopping at the Rodeo WalMart for a new leather thong.  Tyra responded that at least she could sing a full octave and sang the archipelago song,  Don't Worry, Be Happy  in 3 part harmony,  each part having 3 notes, do, ra and me.

The interchangeable dispute continues.

Michael Douglas says oral sex might have caused his throat cancer.  But he also said that cunnilingus was the best cure for it? Nevertheless his lust for life seems to have balanced out as he is cured.  When Catherine Zeta Jones was asked about the declaration, she only remarked, "Hold your tongue, Boy!"  
Gene Simmons was not available for comment.

That's all folks! 

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