Saturday, August 09, 2008

Olympics closing ceremonies

A Canadian Olympic spokesperson makes a final comment to our athletes -

"We are satisfied with our (cough) efforts to compete here in China. You all did (cough) excuse me, very well. Considering.
"We're sorry that so many of you had to spend hospital time here in (cough) Pekin, Peking and Bei (cough) jing. All those who are returning to Canada on the (cough, sniff) Implant Express planes, please head out to the airport now, lungs are available back in Canada. Don't forget your oxygen tanks. (cough) You'll be able to shower safely again in Canada, try not to touch friends or loved ones until you do. And please burn your Olympic uniforms, (cough) oh sorry, I didn't mean because they were ugly, they might be contamin.... oh you know what I mean,
"Anyone standing at the back of the room who can't see me through the room mist, (cough) I hope you can hear me, Q-Tips are at the door. And those Olympic rowers who just rowed out to sea .. well, there were fresh breezes out there (cough) what can I say? We're sure our marathoners will be found soon. (cough, hack, snort, sniff cough) And we're sorry about that crash on the cycle track, where our (cough) rider got turned around the wrong way. We've dropped the protests on the track events too, (cough, cough, prolonged coughing fit) because there were no visible video (cough) recordings seen through the smog of our final positions. The infrared and heat sensing cameras were (cough, cough) okay but the Chinese disputed who the figures actually were in the 100 meter races etc. And please don't think our athletes were crying just because their eyes were like that. (cough, hack, cough, drip)
"Well until the next Olympics, thank you all ...
"er ... Anyone still here in the room? Sorry can't see anything ... Someone should really stay for the closing ceremonies.
(cough, sniff)
Anyone out there?

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