Saturday, March 05, 2011

4 AM Cowboy

I was awake this morning at 4 AM. My little transistor radio battery was dying. It would only bring in a cowboy station. So I listened. Lulled at first until the lyrics began to register.
One song was a lament from a boy remembering getting kicked out of his home at 12 years old. Another was a sad recollection of all the things that woman had done to him. Then one of a guy who lent his wife the pickup truck and she stopped it on the railroad tracks. He was really in sorrow, even more so when he learned that she had jumped clear! Cowboys and depression seem to go together.
No wonder those guys were depressed up there on Brokeback Mountain. You can only look at clouds and sheep for so long until you turn to the next warm body in the sleeping bag.

CW lyrics are aimed at depression;
you're a redneck heartbreak ....  so hard living here on my own .... bad ridin' cowboy .... for 43 dollars my friend lost his life .... I've been burned, I've been cheated .... you can hide your tears, you can cry in the dark .... death is waiting for its dance .... my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

OMG, of course they're so depressing.
Cowboys have a rough time of it. Used to be just get out there and ride the fences, rope a lil dogie and dance and drink some whisky. Not now, they're filled with all kinds of guilt and regret.
Just look at their lives; they never get the girl any more. They ride ATVs instead of horses. Their bar has been taken over by some bling guy named Tiffany Dean. The train doesn't even run through town these days!  Their six gun is outpowered by a Glock and their hat only holds four gallons. What's a cowboy to do but lament?

Cowboys can't even go to Texas now because someone else's exes all live there and you know what exes are like. Rodeo Drive is off limits unless you have Tony Lama boots. And cow poop stuck under the heel just doesn't fly. Alberta is frozen up most of the year and so are the steers. And Hiyo Silver just means the silver market is up 20 points!

Cowboys need a break. Happy songs. Maybe I'll write one. Call it Contented Cowboy. It would go something like this:

Drivin' with my Babe in my pickup truck,
she love the fresh air back there in the box.
Headin' for my bar an' with a little bit of luck,
we'll drink all night unaware of the clocks.

Ol' Rover dawg beside me on the passenger seat,
gotta get a move on I hear a choo choo train.
My Babe wears a mini skirt and lookin` so sweet,
got a Bud between my knees and feelin`no pain.

Gonna dance all night, have some fun with my friends,
snuggle with my Babe, have her body next to mine.
Win a game of poker, till the big money ends
get the cash inside my pocket, feelin mighty fine.

Put my foot to the floor, get this ol`Ford goin`
Gotta get to that crossin, before the red lights flash.
Dawg just a howlin`, rain and wind now blowin`
Locomotive got there first .... cowboy got the crash.

Sorry, I just couldn`t help it. Cowboys are just stupid.

copyright caterwauler 2010


  1. Anonymous10:11 am

    Your family must get many laughs from you.The song is hilarious.

  2. His family gets far more than laughs from him! Laughing is just part of being in his presence! One of the smartest men I know...and that's no joke!
    I'm not a fan of Country Music either, but at least the songs tell a story that you can understand? Sort of...


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